Meet my scale

I have anthropomorph-ised my scale. It is manipulative, mean, lazy and dof.

Every morning before I shower, I haul it out from under the basin and wait to step onto it. Those few seconds while it switches itself on, are anticipatory if I think I'm doing well, trepidatory if I ate too much over the last few days. After all, most of us want our scales to reflect a smaller number than the day before, and when you have invested all that money and hope in an electronic scale (which delivers tenths of kilogram results) you want it to be truthful but complimentary, surely?

So it's manipulative. It catches me out when I am feeling good about myself, by adding on an extra half a kilogram that I don't believe is there. It's mean because I'm sure I catch the beginnings of a smirk while it slowly coughs up the heavy numbers - is that an eight or a nine it's hovering on? Oh look, it's a nine again... <smirk>.

How's this for lazy : my scale has a peculiar habit of remembering yesterday's measurement and repeating it, maybe because it believes I'm not awake enough to fall for that trick!  Then after a week or so of doing this, it suddenly changes the score and I'm left wondering why I bother to go through this sadism every day.

But finally, it is dof (a word for being slow of intelligence, stupid, pronounced like "door" with an 'f' on the end). It can be tricked into thinking I'm someone else with a different weight, so I do end up feeling better about myself as I slouch into the shower, emitting a faint flush of pride at having bested a microchip!